Feb 21, 2017
In this episode, Dave shares the mic with Gordie Bufton and Bradley Callow. Dave, Gordie, and Bradley met in Bangkok, Thailand for the Entrepreneurship Organization Leadership Conference. Gordie and Bradley are the founders of Rich Legacy, a business that helps parents bridge the gap in their relationships with their children. Tune in as Gordie and Bradley openly share about their own struggles with addiction and how this led to the heart of their business—equipping parents with the communicative tools they need to reach and love their children.
Time Stamped Show Notes:
- 00:33 – Introducing Gordie and Bradley
- 00:50 – Dave met Bradley and Gordie at the EO Conference in Bangkok
- 01:00 – Gordie and Bradley were speaking at the event on how entrepreneurs can build a strong relationship with their kids
- 01:09 – Their business is Rich Legacy
- 01:27 – Gordie wrote the bestselling book, Eluding Reality: A Memoir about Drugs, Psych Wards, and Reality
- 01:53 – Bradley shared the “psych ward story” at the EO
Conference
- 02:21 – The setting was Gordie running on the beach
- 02:43 – There were searchlights and a helicopter running after him because he escaped from a high security psych ward
- 03:34 – It was a hilarious story, yet true story—although it was a serious situation when it happened
- 03:50 – This was a low point in Gordie’s life
- 04:13 – Bradley is a treatment specialist
- 04:20 – Bradley started using drugs at 11 years old
- 04:24 – That sent him into a crazy journey and rehab
- 04:46 – He started smoking marijuana
- 04:57 – He saw things not all 11 year olds see
- 05:14 – He had self-destructive behavior
- 05:23 – He was an alpha male, but was uncoordinated so he didn’t do sports
- 05:45 – Bradley came from a great family – which was the inspiration for Rich Legacy
- 06:34 – The pattern of parents thinking they are doing their kids good
- 06:41 – Bradley went to rehab at 26 and spent a year in different treatment centers
- 07:38 – Dave has 3 teenagers right now
- 08:23 – The problem with social media and self-esteem
- 08:39 – Not remembering how it was like when you were a teenager shuts a switch off
- 09:09 – Rich Legacy’s focus is understanding a child’s perspective
- 09:31 – When parents can’t remember feeling like a kid, it affects the way they interact with their children
- 10:03 – Like Bradley, Gordie came from a good family
- 10:07 – Gordie’s father is a bank executive in Atlanta
- 10:12 – Gordie was a straight-A student and a top youth golfer
- 10:19 – He was the perfect child until 17 years old
- 10:32 – At 17, he broke up with his girlfriend and didn’t know how to cope
- 11:00 – Instead of asking for help, Gordie resorted to smoking pot
- 11:31 – He started ecstasy and after a few months, dropped out of college
- 11:58 – He was using ecstasy enough to kill an elephant
- 12:04 – He continued using drugs and started selling out of his parents’ home
- 12:11 – His parents knew he was smoking pot, but they didn’t know how serious it was
- 12:28 – Before his 20th birthday, his parents kicked him out of the house
- 12:33 – The following week, Gordie was arrested and he spent a week in jail
- 12:40 – He spent his 20th birthday in jail
- 12:43 – When he got out, he had a near-death experience and was homeless
- 12:56 – This was Gordie’s lowest moment that made him rethink his life
- 13:14 – He decided to get sober
- 13:23 – He started experiencing manic episodes and went in and out of psych wards
- 13:33 – He escaped different psych wards and was labeled legally insane
- 13:48 – His parents sent him to a very expensive rehab center
- 13:52 – He continued living with his parents until age 22, then moved out on his own
- 14:45 – Being manic, Gordie was not in touch with reality
- 15:59 – Gordie and Bradley were both spending a lot of time
with the recovery treatment community
- 16:11 – They both went out with a common friend
- 16:38 – They had a mutual understanding and bonded
- 17:15 – They were playing golf with Cameron Herold, who told them they should speak to Entrepreneurs Organization
- 18:00 – One frustration Gordie and Bradley encountered with their recoveries is that they are hyperfocused on the after effects
- 18:36 – “What can we do on the preventive side?”
- 19:02 – They realize that most of the preventive measures falls to the parents
- 20:02 – High performing parents tend to be more driven with high expectations for their children
- 21:17 – Lack of connection between children and parents is one of the biggest issues
- 21:53 – What you should be questioning is NOT why the addiction, but why the pain?
- 22:20 – Gordie and Bradley help parents create the connection that is lacking with their children
- 23:17 – Dave’s father is now 78
- 23:30 – He tells Dave stories about growing up as a kid
- 23:39 – Dave’s grandparents were frustrated that his father was always holding onto a device (books)
- 24:19 – What the parents does vs. what the child does
- 25:13 – It’s less about the kids’ behavior, but the how parents act
- 25:37 – Seek first to understand
- 25:56 – Help your child understand you
- 26:14 – Develop mutual goals
- 27:05 – Family Plan Program:
- 27:18 – Create goals as a family
- 28:22 – Rich Legacy focuses on the character traits they value as a family
- 29:48 – Parents’ vision is to have happy, healthy children who are responsible for their actions, with a strong work ethic and empathic to others
- 30:21 – Family plans work on different character traits per quarter
- 31:14 – The group coaching program’s goal is to offer tiered options based on the family’s availability
- 32:21 – Gordie and Bradley try to translate what the child is experiencing to the parents and they try to bridge that gap
- 34:26 – Gordie and Bradley become the icons to help parents understand their kids
- 35:25 – Gordie and Bradley want parents to function on their own and not rely on them forever
- 35:58 – They help set the platform for the parents to discuss sensitive issues
- 38:13 – It’s healthy to acknowledge that addicts can be your neighbor
- 38:40 – Gordie mentions Joe Polish’s podcast about work addiction
- 39:21 – The most transformational thing you can do is to spend 10 minutes of focused time every day with your child
- 40:57 – Make your cars a phone-free zone with no radio or music
- 42:20 – Dave and his wife go out to dinner once a month and they talk about the highs and the lows in the past 30 days
- 43:18 – 5 principles of the Rich Legacy:
- Connection
- Understanding
- Balancing
- Influencing
- Empowering
- 44:25 – One of the greatest gifts of self esteem come from failing and getting back up
- 44:39 – Parents wanting to help their children too much do NOT do any good
- 45:14 – Check out the 10 warning signs that can save your child’s life over at Rich Legacy
- 45:20 – Send an email at thrive@richlegacy.com to get 33 questions you can ask at the dinner table
- 46:14 – Connect with Gordie and Bradley at thrive@richlegacy.com
- 47:00 – Dave closes the podcast
3 Key Points:
- There is a correlation between children/youth struggling with addictions and high performing families.
- Work to bridge the relational gap between parents and child—this is one of the most important factors that can save a child.
- Lead by example—show your kids how you want them to act.
Resources Mentioned:
- Entrepreneur's Organization – The EO Network
- Rich Legacy – Gordie and Bradley’s business